Headwind turns Hurricane

As I mentioned before, we wouldn’t have imagined the uphill climb this trip would be if the Lord hadn’t whispered in our hearts a few weeks before, “This trip is going to be a hard one.”  And, “There will be a headwind.” Shortly after I arrived in Ireland some difficult challenges developed back home affecting Robert in which I was truly needed. I spoke with him on the phone and he told me he knew I was to be on the trip and that he didn’t think I should come home. Family members stepped in with extra support. The whole trip with all its joys and wonder was never without, also, shadow. There was a constant need to continually surrender people and things back home to God. A continual need for a centeredness and the fixing of my eyes on Jesus. 

The day before leaving for Ireland, things back home escalated to the point that there was serious consideration by me and others of my flying home early and skipping the Latvian journey. My husband needed me, and if I did not return home, the burden was going to unfairly shift to others and he would not have my direct support. Jordan and I were shook and met in his office to discuss and pray. The atmosphere was somber and we surrendered the Latvia trip to the Lord. After careful consideration and prayer, however, it seemed to both of us that the Lord was whispering that the higher good was for me to go to Latvia. It was not an easy decision and possibly confusing or even disappointing to some, even to me. Our son, and then later our daughter, stepped up to the plate in an incredibly self-sacrificial way. (Although they did not consider it a sacrifice – I believe they would say, “It is just what love does”.) The next morning I was packing for Latvia with a bleeding heart, crying out to God for strength for me and for deliverance back home. It felt like I was literally being torn in two; drawn strongly to Latvia and drawn strongly back home because of love and the need.

About ninety minutes before we were to leave the house to head to the airport, the phone rang and Naomi answered it on the stairs leading to the second story of their house. Suddenly, she cried out with anguish and fell against the wall. A family member that she had lived with some as a child had unexpectedly passed away in the night. Soon the whole household was in tears. Anna-Joy ran to her bedroom and sat behind the door on the floor weeping, Nathanael collapsed into my arms on the stairs and Jordan was trying to comfort Naomi. It was soon discovered that the funeral was likely (and was) going to be while we were gone. Naomi needed Jordan’s strength and the extended family expected and wanted his participation as well (understandably).

The pressure was immense. It was like we were submerged miles below the sea with incredible pressure from all sides. How could we become objective enough to discern what to do? It seemed obvious that Jordan couldn’t possibly go to Latvia. Would I need to go to Latvia alone with no time to develop discipleship training and sermons that Jordan had been tasked to do there? Should I also stay home from Latvia or go to this strange country alone? The clock was ticking. We had 90 minutes to get out the door or to call it off. I went up to my room to give Jordan and Naomi privacy to discuss. She soon had to leave in a rush to support a frail, elderly relative in receiving the news.

Jordan, Nathanael and I sat on the couch and there were tears in all our eyes. “There is no easy answer here,” I said, stating the obvious. Jordan has incredible compassion/empathy and he could not imagine leaving his wife without support. Yet, he told me with tears that he felt that the still small Voice was still saying, “go”. It was agonizing to imagine leaving Naomi and Anna-Joy, not to mention the extended family. Then the phone rang. It was Naomi – still emotional and weepy. “Jordan, I know you are supposed to go on this trip.” Jordan hung up the phone and told us what she said. I began to cry with the choice and such a mixture of deep feelings hit me. First, I stood in awe of Naomi and Jordan’s truly putting God’s will and purpose first above their own legitimate needs and comfort. Second, the question that was ripping my soul was, “Why was God asking so much of us? And of our loved ones?”

We all got up from the couch silently, finished up our packing, loaded the car and headed for Dublin. “Jordan, do you need quiet?” “Yeah….” About two and half hours later, we arrived at the airport, got through security without incident and took off for Riga on Baltic Air.